How & When To Ask Someone On A Date

How & When To Ask Someone On A Date: Pass These 3 Checkpoints Before You Suggest A Date »

  • 00:00 How & When To Ask Someone On A Date
  • 01:00 You've got to know one another
  • 02:30 Show that you've listened
  • 03:49 Suggest a phone call
  • 05:23 Key takeaways
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Hayley Quinn is the UK's leading dating coach: she has over 2 Million views on her TED talk and over 100,000 YouTube subscribers. She is also a spokesperson for Match and regularly contributes to international media.

How & When To Ask Someone On A Date

Even if you have the best first message ever, you do need, both people, to be making that effort for something to happen.

So, in order for an asking-somebody-out message to be as successful as possible, I have got three checkpoints here that I would suggest you go through to make sure that you've timed that first message beautifully, and you've given yourself the best chance for a positive response.


You've got to know one another

So, my first checkpoint is that you've got to know one another.
Often, when you ask somebody out on the first message, again, they won't really feel like you're choosing them for their personality and how you got to know them.
They'll feel like you're just sort of saying that as a knee-jerk reaction to their profile often doesn't work very well.Also, even if it's on the second message, when you got a response from someone, again, often doesn't go down very well asking someone out on a date.
I understand you might want to cut to the chase and save some time, but ultimately, it might not make the other person feel valued.
So, there is a balance here.It's not about talking to someone for two months either, but ideally, you want to base the time you ask someone out and make that step forwards in a moment where you're really connecting in the conversation.
So, for instance, you can send a message like, "a conversation this good deserves a date, when are you free next week?". And that should feel really genuine.
Because remember, you've used all the techniques, the other person's use other techniques, everyone's really making an effort.
You should be able to genuinely say "a conversation this good deserves a date, when are you free next week?".
So, remember you're basing the timing of your ask out when you feel like you have had that back and forth, and to have that back and forth yes, you may need to log on a little bit more regularly to insure you get those magical moments.


Show that you've listened

The second checkpoint I'd like you to go through is to show that you've really listened to someone.
Again, if someone says something and then you respond by asking them out on a date, but you haven't actually responded to their message, it can feel a bit like "oh, they're not really listening to me", they're just trying to ask me out, which doesn't give the best feeling and impression about you.
So, I want you to really avoid questions that go something like them saying, "I'm really loving work at the moment teaching year one is the best", and you just go, "so are you free this weekend".
Because you haven't acknowledged anything that they've said.Instead, it's so much better to again, if you want to ask someone out, you've got to relate it to the message that they've just sent.
So, if they just talked about how they love their work, if you could say, "I like how passionate you are about what you do, let's meet soon", let's meet soon if it was a teacher, you say maybe during half term.
By just responding and saying: "Oh, I like that thing that you said, let's meet soon."
It's so much better than sort of not commenting on what they've just shared and going straight for the date.
So, you always want to show that you've really listened.


Suggest a phone call

Final checkpoint is, if you're not sure, if you're on the fence rather than let stuff fizzle out, instead you can call someone, you can use the match platform so, you don't actually have to exchange phone numbers at this stage if you're not quite ready to do that.
Instead, you could do a video call or voice call through match.
This is such a good way to check out compatibility.
Again, you could even put a bit of a time limit on it.
So, "I'm just out walking my dog around", "just got 10" "I'm just waiting for my dinner to come out the oven, and then I would give you a call".
So, if you have a chat often, if you can have a nice conversation with one another for 10 minutes, that's a really, really good indication of, wow, there's some compatibility there, and you'll probably both feel more excited to go on a date.
So, rather than let stuff fizzle if you're on the fence, do a quick phone call, it's only five or 10 minutes of your life.
It's such a good way of figuring out compatibility.


Key takeaways

So, before we get on to our final section of questions that have been sent in advance, let's just do a quick recap of this section.

So, of course, have a call to check compatibility if you're unsure, that's a great way to figure out if you connect with someone.

Listen to what's important to someone.

Always remember to respond to what someone's actually put in their messages, don't just skip to asking them out.

Remember to get the timing right. Don't ask somebody out on the first or second message.
Ideally, ask them out at a point in the conversation where you feel you're really connecting.

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